It's October 2020 and I'm in Lakewood, Colorado. The nation I live in is a hot mess. The global society in which I live is a hot mess, too. Climate change may ensure we humans die a hot mess as well. Because of all this I started to self-isolate way before covid-19 became a problem and social distancing became the cool thing to do. It was a natural move for me, an organic transfer into the bliss of spiritual solitude. I stopped talking with my biological family years ago, so I don't have the added stress of having to live up to a parents demands during a pandemic. I also found out this year that my job as a laborer in the receiving areas of department stores is basically officially an essential job. I haven't stopped working throughout the whole pandemic, and the company I'm working for right now is handling it all fairly well. They really should have had us wearing masks way back in March-April, however. Everything in the world feels like it is in an uproar because of multiple perfect storms converging into one giant maelstrom: climate change, racial injustice, medical problems and medical coverage problems, another brutally poisonous election cycle, extremist uprisings, terrorist plots, a divided nation on the brink of collapse... they're all things I saw coming years ago. In spite of it all and the depression it all causes me, I'm actually doing very well in my life. But I am plagued by the thought that I could be doing better, if only I had the courage to do so. I could be making much more money than I am, but I'm ambivalent and hesitant on my desire to do so in the first place because money is fucking evil, regardless of what the gurus say. Sure, people like Ellen DeGeneres and Gala Darling and Esther Hicks are able to make successful businesses out of positivity, but the reality is that they are in it for the money first and foremost, so who the hell knows how genuine they're really being? I think a lot of our problems stem from people valuing profit over truth, or from using the truth for profit. Once money enters the equation, the dynamics change and these days its all too true that most of the time people are creating a false reality for profit— it's not a practice just for politicians and Hollywood anymore. Now everybody's in the business of lying and hypocrisy and only perceiving what they want to perceive when they want to perceive it. I've honestly never felt more alienated in all my life, but what do I know?. It's crazy out there.