My Life: February 2019

Date: February 22nd, 2019

Previously on PZ: Nowadays

She who is of good fortune (6125127142)

"She who is of good fortune."

Well, it certainly has been awhile since I've written about my life, or even at all on this blog. It's been far too long.

Some wonderful things have actually happened in my life within the past several months, so wonderful that I cannot help but share them as opposed to keeping them to myself. First of all, I've started seeing a past lover again, which quite frankly has me over the moon because I once made a quilt for this guy in order to communicate how I felt about him. Also, I have had a wonderful stroke of financial luck in the form of- and this really quite surprised me- a modest inheritance from the paternal side of my biological family. Because of this, I have been able to take a much-needed vacation from working for awhile and will also be heading west to visit Las Vegas in several days to attend a humungous glass trade show with Medusa and Billy and a bunch of our 420 family members. I was fired from my receiving job at Walmart for attendance two days before my birthday, but I actually consider it a boon rather than a setback since I was eventually going to quit anyways (the attendance issue was really the company's own doing, and I hardcore did not appreciate how management treated my coworkers). Now that I have an SUV, I have access to many more professional opportunities than I did while I was working at Walmart. I now have greater access to more opportunities in general as well. It is really amazing how much my life has transformed for the better within the past few months, and I feel so grateful to have been blessed with this fate.

I feel like it's a new dawn, and it's a new day, in this new chapter of my life. The sudden boost in financial health has been utilized very well so far: I've used my inheritance money to purchase a motor vehicle for myself and electronics equipment for the studio, take care of rent and bills for a few months, and pay off some debts that I've been wanting to take care of for awhile. The feeling of having unlimited access to critical resources readily available to me is joyously breathtaking to say the least. I feel nothing but relief these days, as if a gigantic heavy weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and now I can finally breathe. It has given me a new lease on life, and just in time, too. This lover I've mentioned, let's call him Q, is an old friend from the days when I lived with an artist collective in my early 20's, and he happens to be the best lover I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Since we've begun sleeping together again in recent months, very strong feelings have become apparent to me that I cannot ignore. These feelings have been life-giving in that, instead of fretting over unrequited love as I have in the past, I've been deeply inspired to improve my own life with that very same love that I feel for him. My friendship with this man is very important to me because in my eyes our sexual relationship has only brought us closer together, and this is something that brings me much joy. To me, friendship is the fundamental basis of ALL great relationships, and I don't believe it's something that can be ruined or negated by having sex. I don't need a boyfriend or a spouse, but I do need someone like Q in my life... to be honest, he's the only person that I really want now that I think about it. If given a choice I wouldn't change a thing about what I've got with Q because what we've got makes me come alive. It's priceless.

Good luck is one hell of a drug. It can lift you up to a higher plane of existence in the snap of an instant, but you can never quite be sure when it's going to hit. I've realized it's very important to seize the opportunities we desire whenever they arise in our life, if they ever arise in this life. I've used these feelings of love to heal my own heartache and stimulate my own growth; I've used my inheritance money as wisely as I could to invest in things beneficial to my future; I've used this time of rest as a sabbatical period in order to rejuvenate my soul in preparation for the great work which lies ahead of me. As a dedicated psychonaut, it isn't bold enough to say that one's luck exists in proportion to one's perception of the world around them and their willingness to move forward through that world. I have been shifting my perception of the world around me for quite some time now, and finally I am beginning to see more of a heaven and less of a hell within it. I'm not so troubled anymore. I've come such a long way.

It cannot be understated that I have an incredible journey ahead of me and a very long way to go in my quest to achieve the ultimate in personal satisfaction before I die. Yes, my life really is a hedonistic pilgrimage devoted entirely to eccentric self-expression with no ending or universal meaning in sight, but damn am I starting to love it now that my story is starting to get good. I've got my work cut out for me: lots of writing for articles and ebooks, lots of drawing for paintings and graphics, lots of research for critical reasoning, lots of filming and editing for video clips, lots of necessary communication with strangers, and lots of personal development to keep myself on my toes as I walk my path of self-actualization.

I'm practicing saying yes in my life now, because yes is more fun than no. And that's why I'm going to Vegas this Monday.

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Tags: My Life, The Valentine