12/31/2024:
Just a few more minutes left of 2024, and I'm suddenly feeling quite nostalgic. This year was definitely a year of laying low and following my interests, just trying to make it day by day. Videogames, music, movies, manga, books, walks with my dog, coffee and tea while talking with friends, cannabis, delicious food... this year had a lot of genuinely good things in it. I weathered the inevitable annual mental storms and I've come out of another year with another new understanding of this world. And while it is not a very bright understanding, it is a deeply clarifying understanding nevertheless. I found some reasons to live after all, even if they all are far from perfect. I'll approach 2025 with the same "whatever happens, happens" attitude that has served me well, but I'll earnestly try to focus upon improving a little bit each day, and we'll see how it goes. I do hope it is a good year for me, though. And just like that, ready or not, onwards to the future we go...
1/1/2025:
Jeez, it practically sounded like gunfire outside around midnight, although it's probably just fireworks. I'm just sitting here with my feelings, wondering why I feel so nostalgic for 2024. Was it really that good of a year? It actually was a pretty good year for me, now that I'm looking back on it. Its the feeling that something is over and now completely certain, while at the same time something is beginning and is completely uncertain. That feels like a strange junction to be in, but I suppose that realistically every moment of our lives can be considered a liminal space in this way. Life is strange, though. A couple of months ago all I could think about was wanting to end it. Now I'm hoping for another good trip around the Sun. Well, that's the ebb and flow of existence for ya. The human world is held together with duct tape and bubblegum, while the universe is held together with paradox and contradiction. Anyways, it's just another new year, so what's with the big deal I'm making? I am almost too aware of the flow of time through space, and continuing to be here and now scares me. But I'll do my best anyways to move forward this year in a way I haven't been able to in all the years hitherto.