I don't know what to do with myself I feel like everything I do doesn't matter, like nothing anyone does really matters, I wish I had a real family. I'm feeling sad about my life, I have nothing to show for all of my passion, none of it all matters. I have everything I wanted as a teenager, but compared to everyone successful in this world I have next to nothing and I am no one. But I am glad for what I do have, I cannot be ungrateful for all the blessings I do own. I just do not know what is wrong with me. I am so restless, yet I stay in one place; I dream of going outside on lavish adventures but I don't want to leave the house because I don't want to face or connect with the people of this world; I don't even want to find them in my beloved mountain forests, so I do not venture out into them. I feel sad. I know this feeling is unhealthy, but... sometimes you have to embrace the rubber band, because the farther back it pulls you, the farther you may have yet to go, something like that I read on the Internet today. Maybe this isn't all for nought. Maybe I do just need to patiently continue with my work and stop allowing myself to feel sad about things that don't matter. I need to stop comparing myself to others. I find myself deeply inspired, yet also envious of other artists' abilities, and then I don't even want to try to make my own artwork because I know it's going to look so rough in the beginning, so unfinished and broken-looking and inadequate and unsatisfying, just like me, and I cannot stand the feeling of embarrassment it gives me. Whoa, I just learned something about myself.
