It's nearly 7AM right now, and last night was the last night for working overnight at the department store I'm currently working at. It was a good night, but after work I started feeling really heavy. I've got a 4-day weekend ahead of me, but I feel heavy right now. I enjoyed working overnights, and I enjoyed the overnight team I was working with. I'll still be working with my friends, but it won't be the same with the store being open during most of my shift. The graveyard shift really works for me. I love how quiet the world is at night, when most people are sleeping and the darkness envelopes everything. I loved working overnight with fun people without having to worry about saying a curse word in front of a customer. Setting up for Halloween and Christmas in 2019 was my favorite part. I don't really know why I feel so heavy. Maybe I just need to think some happy thoughts, or maybe I really do feel something I should pay attention to. Anyways, whenever things change & I'm not the one who's changing them, everything feels a little off. There's a lot going on in the world these days, but I'm laying low & just trying to live my life as best I can before I die, and not make trouble for anyone. That's where I'm at these days, and I'm loving it. I just wish... I don't know what I wish now. I want to live in a perfect world, but I can't have that. So I'm gonna take life as it comes and just enjoy being in the now moment as best I can.

I guess I also feel a little insecure about my relationship with Q. It's all good, nothing bad, it's just... it makes me dream of things with him that may never come true. It's nice to think about, but I really want a life partner... and if it's not going to be Q, then I'd rather just be alone in my love bubble with my dogs. Honestly I think it's really the future, my future, that I'm feeling insecure about right now. Huh.